In one of the early Fulfillment programs, at the prestigious
Minneapolis Women's Club, one sophisticated woman asked the
question that often comes up in our seminars. She called to
Roberta;
Please tell us what you mean by the
meaning of life. We seem to have all kinds of different ideas at
our table.
Of course they did!
Roberta
would have been surprised and disappointed had not a group of
intelligent and educated women had several different opinions.
Given the unique nature of each personality, mind-set and
life-style, along with the many subjective aspects of meaning
and belonging, humans often find fulfillment in different ways.
Only persons with delusions of
spiritual superiority and closed mind-sets are so egoistic that they
set themselves up as examples for everyone else to follow. We
certainly meet faithful disciples who are much more devout than we
ourselves! No doubt many are better husbands and wives. Therefore,
asking us the one true meaning of life; the nature of truth absolute,
is like asking a football coach the one best play with which to win a
championship game. Neither he nor we can say, for both football and
life have too many variables for a simple answer.
A coach must consider the stamina of the players on both teams,
the condition of the playing field, the time left in the game
and much more, before attempting a game winning play. To
complicate matters, the best possible play for one game may be
the worst for the next. It depends on many circumstances, many
of which are beyond any single person's control. However, if as
a coach we cannot tell you the one true meaning of life, we can
like a championship coach, describe the kind of game that must
be played to come out a winner. Obviously, you cannot win
everything or people would shun you; but you can create mutually
satisfying relationships. Of course, that's what we teach in our
courses. Remember, the first factor in living a fulfilling life
is that we must find our own satisfaction by creating some
combination of meaning and belonging for ourselves. No one, not
even God, can deliver consistent satisfaction to you on a silver
platter. This kind of effort always requires sweat and often
draws blood.
We now want you to consider the
Logotherapy Pyramid shown below. Logotherapy is Viktor Frankl’s
word for spirit-healing.
Becoming -
PHILOSOPHICAL - Purpose-Permanence Principle
Doing - PSYCHOLOGICAL -
Power-Prestige Principle
Having - PHYSICAL -
Pleasure-Pain Principle
We discuss the physical, psychological and philosophical aspects
of life as if they are separate but only because we can't write
about three things at once. They are actually as integrated in
each personality as the ingredients of a cake after it is baked.
However, every aspect of personality does have a dominant
influence at different times in our attitudes, activities and
relationships. As psychological great Abraham Maslow wrote, we
have an ascending progression of needs as we move from the
physical to the psychological and on to the philosophical.
Unlike Maslow, however, we teach that our moods and needs are
ever fluid, are never as static as he assumed. Each person
is a dynamic individual of many interests that function more or
less together according to our state of body, mind and spirit at
any given time.
THE PHYSICAL
-- In this aspect of life, we
typically live according to the pleasure/pain principle
suggested by Sigmund Freud as the basis of human attitudes and
motives in the first Viennese school of psychotherapy. This view
of life was later refined by B.F. Skinner as Behaviorism. Jard
quips that Skinner built a long career and gained much
professional mileage from the rather simple idea that people
really do prefer a pat on the back to a swift kick on the rump.
Unfortunately, the world still teems with politicians, managers,
teachers, police and parents who will not apply this basic fact
of motivation. They brutalize people and then cannot understand
why their victims resist and frustrate them, why other persons
refuse to let them get away with all of life's rewards.
In the physical aspect of life we usually gain our satisfaction
through the having of things that give us pleasure and avoid
pain. We all want good food and shelter, nice clothes and
transportation - those things many have won so easily for
generations in an affluent civilization that is now bogging down
in this Globalized, post-communism era. We have no trouble
accepting the pleasure/pain principle, so far as it goes,
although for thousands of years many theologians and sects like
the Essenes and Puritans thought pleasure contrary to
spirituality. Particularly sexual joy, because of a great
medieval theological split between the aspects of life called
the flesh and those called spirit. The early New Englanders even
built their homes in neat little squares so they could keep a
judgmental eye on one another lest the neighbors get any real
fun out of life. They also drowned women whom they feared had
become witches by fornicating physically with Satan. And yet,
pleasure is better than pain. Jard once closed a car door on his
hand so he knows about pain. Even more so, does Roberta who went
through three child births. Both experiences were what
psychologists call a one trial learning event. We learned all we
ever wanted to know about closing car doors on hands or having a
baby the first time we did it!
Even so, winning pleasure and
avoiding pain is never good enough to make life consistently
fulfilling. We must continue maturing up life's pyramid, going
beyond the having of things in the physical aspects of life. If
you don't buckle down to a mission of importance to yourself and
to society, satisfaction shall surely pass you by. You must
limit your games in order to win good grades in school, love
someone beside yourself to create a healthy family and labor for
years to build a satisfying career. What you plant and cultivate
is what matures in your existential garden. We have found no
free lunch.
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL
--
In this aspect of living well, we tend to follow the
power/prestige principle of achieving things that offer us
self-esteem and gain the respect of other women and men. Alfred
Adler first identified this approach to motivation and
eventually fulfillment. He believed that merely avoiding pain
and winning pleasure is not good enough to generate consistent
satisfaction in an affluent society. We all need prestige and
potency in our activities and relationships. Eric Berne took
Adler's views about the human desire for power and prestige to
the next level in Transactional Analysis. Once again, we find
nothing wrong with that. We understand and appreciate Adler's
insights. We also prefer climbing up life's totem pole a bit,
rather than remaining the poor grunt at the bottom that holds
everything up with brute strength and awkwardness. We enjoy
walking into a book store and seeing three of our titles on the
racks. There is satisfaction in being potent enough to
accomplish something meaningful and being strong enough to
handle bullies who would humiliate us and the people we love.
Even so, power and prestige are not enough, even with pleasure
included, to make life consistently fulfilling. As Tough Tony
said, we must keep pedaling our bicycles uphill.
THE PHILOSOPHICAL
--
God empowers us, at the peak of our
experiences and relationships, to mature beyond the having of
things and the completion of tasks that make life productive. We
should focus our powers on becoming what we have the potential
to be. We live according to the purpose/permanence principle
first hinted at by Frankl and then refined by Jard. This
approach that Frankl called the will to meaning, after he called
Freud's concepts a will to pleasure and Adler's concepts a will
to power, formed the basis of the third Viennese School Of
Psychotherapy. Rather than reinventing the wheel, rather than
writing about a will to meaning, Jard formulated the
purpose/permanence principle which better explains this as a
psychospiritual concept. We have long known that a spiritual
life-style must be purposeful and practical to be satisfying,
that we need the sense of permanence coming from connecting to
God and belonging in a family, a company or a congregation in
which we share faith, hope and love. Thus;
FULFILLMENT = f
(Meaning x Belonging).
Spiritual maturity isn't an all or nothing proposition, of
course. Normal women and men who are maturing through the
purpose/permanence principle still desire pleasure rather than
pain and prestige rather than being devalued. Roberta sees
nothing good coming from the way Mexican flagilistas and some
masochists of the Opus Dei Catholic sect, flog themselves with
thorns, and Muslims beat themselves bloody with swords and
chains during religious ceremonies. Jard personally heard the
Opus Dei’s American Bishop discuss the need for his priests to
repeat the physical sufferings of Christ in order to be good
servants of God. Actually, none of that transfers into offering
service to needy people. It comes from a neurotic medieval sense
of piety -- the narcissistic claim;
Because I love God more than you
worthless sinners do, I'll suffer to prove my loyalty to him.
Have we got news for you! God doesn’t care as long as we are not
hurting ourselves or others. The Cosmic Creator knows that
self-punishment of all kinds is a neurotic way of dealing with
the guilt aspect of the tragic elements of life. And so do we.
Problems often develop when persons fixate too long in the lower
aspects of living wisely, when we accept the nihilistic
life-style from which God and spirituality are excluded.
Mini-Quiz
How would you define or describe
the meaning of life as you see it?
Becoming
- PHILOSOPHICAL - Purpose-Permanence Principle
Doing - PSYCHOLOGICAL -
Power-Prestige Principle
Having - PHYSICAL -
Pleasure-Pain Principle
Describe how you shall strive to
have, to
do
and to
become,
whatever will make your life psychospiritually fulfilling.
Warmly,
Jard & Roberta DeVille
